Today while going through names with my wife about what to name our mystery kid, (we are waiting for the delivery date to find out the sex) I started crying. Now this wasn't a "I stubbed my toe and I think I broke it" cry, this was more of a "I am having a second kid and it's finally hitting me" cry. Earlier this month I wrote about how I was freaking out about having another child, but tonight something hit me. Something that made me so happy and sad at the same time.
While talking about one name that I really like, I started choking up, because I was picturing myself playing with my child (in my mind, it's a boy), and sitting with him and telling him about his name and why we chose it. [Before the guesses begin, I am not naming him after me and calling him the third. As much as I love my name, my name is something special between me and my dad].
At that moment, I realized that I didn't embed myself in this pregnancy as much as I did with my first child's pregancy. I was too busy with work or trying to make sure that everything was ok, that I felt like these 9 months just flew by. I remember when my wife showed me the pregnancy test that was positive and now we are less than two weeks away and I am standing here wondering "Where did the time go?" I have placed my hand on my wife's belly and felt the movements here and there, but I really never just sat there and talked to the baby like I did the first time.
I know it's ridiculous to think that the baby is not going to know me, but I felt like I didn't give it my all to get to know him/her before they arrived. I feel like I was too caught up being in preparation/ super husband mode that I let time slip by. Again, maybe I am being overdramatic like my previous post, but I know that when my new child arrives, I am going to make sure that I spend every minute with them, both my children, and show them how much their daddy loves them.
Thanks for reading,
Victor
So I have to tell you that my husband went through the same exact thing with our second child. He didn't go to many doctor appointments, he didn't stop to show my belly extra love and he rarely paid attention to all the gushing I did about the new baby on the way. Why? I think it's because he was nervous about the added responsibility. I'm not sure really.
ReplyDeleteHe had a minor breakdown days before I went into labor also. When she came out he was so happy. He tried so hard to make up for the bonding he didn't do earlier. Unfortunately, she was a very fussy baby that only wanted to be held by me. This didn't stop him from trying but eventually he did get tired because it wasn't until she was at least 9 months old when she finally wanted to be around him for longer than 5 minutes.
The good news... Today she is the biggest daddy's girl. It's pretty funny to watch. She will only eat her dinner while sitting on his lap. She takes one bite and then stops to give him hugs and kisses. This goes on throughout the meal. ha ha ha
Don't worry. You are an amazing father and will give that little one enough love to make up for any lack of attention you think may think you are guilty of. Life goes by fast, you're right, so it's a good thing you know how important it is to spend every minute showing kids how much you love them.
Congrats to you both again :)
Thanks for the reply Jen. Reading this has quelled my fears a little bit. WIth the little one coming any day now, I am just getting more and more excited to welcome them to our world.
ReplyDeleteWow, you made me tear and made my stomach feel anxiety. I don't have children, so I don't know what you're going through nor can I imagine what this may feel like for you and Therese. All I know is what I've witness with my own eyes. My eyes have witness seeing you with Sofia, and all I see is love, unconditional love. I know because my eyes see it and for some reason, I can feel it. You're going to be not only twice the Father you already are, but even more than you know. So proud of you.
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