Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Tears of a Clown
Today while going through names with my wife about what to name our mystery kid, (we are waiting for the delivery date to find out the sex) I started crying. Now this wasn't a "I stubbed my toe and I think I broke it" cry, this was more of a "I am having a second kid and it's finally hitting me" cry. Earlier this month I wrote about how I was freaking out about having another child, but tonight something hit me. Something that made me so happy and sad at the same time.
While talking about one name that I really like, I started choking up, because I was picturing myself playing with my child (in my mind, it's a boy), and sitting with him and telling him about his name and why we chose it. [Before the guesses begin, I am not naming him after me and calling him the third. As much as I love my name, my name is something special between me and my dad].
At that moment, I realized that I didn't embed myself in this pregnancy as much as I did with my first child's pregancy. I was too busy with work or trying to make sure that everything was ok, that I felt like these 9 months just flew by. I remember when my wife showed me the pregnancy test that was positive and now we are less than two weeks away and I am standing here wondering "Where did the time go?" I have placed my hand on my wife's belly and felt the movements here and there, but I really never just sat there and talked to the baby like I did the first time.
I know it's ridiculous to think that the baby is not going to know me, but I felt like I didn't give it my all to get to know him/her before they arrived. I feel like I was too caught up being in preparation/ super husband mode that I let time slip by. Again, maybe I am being overdramatic like my previous post, but I know that when my new child arrives, I am going to make sure that I spend every minute with them, both my children, and show them how much their daddy loves them.
Thanks for reading,