googlea875c0213e6e807d.html] Fandads: Tears of a Clown

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Tears of a Clown




Today while going through names with my wife about what to name our mystery kid, (we are waiting for the delivery date to find out the sex) I started crying.  Now this wasn't a "I stubbed my toe and I think I broke it" cry, this was more of a "I am having a second kid and it's finally hitting me" cry.  Earlier this month I wrote about how I was freaking out about having another child, but tonight something hit me. Something that made me so happy and sad at the same time.

While talking about one name that I really like, I started choking up, because I was picturing myself playing with my child (in my mind, it's a boy), and sitting with him and telling him about his name and why we chose it.  [Before the guesses begin, I am not naming him after me and calling him the third.  As much as I love my name, my name is something special between me and my dad].

At that moment, I realized that I didn't embed myself in this pregnancy as much as I did with my first child's pregancy.  I was too busy with work or trying to make sure that everything was ok, that I felt like these 9 months just flew by.  I remember when my wife showed me the pregnancy test that was positive and now we are less than two weeks away and I am standing here wondering "Where did the time go?"  I have placed my hand on my wife's belly and felt the movements here and there, but I really never just sat there and talked to the baby like I did the first time.

I know it's ridiculous to think that the baby is not going to know me, but I felt like I didn't give it my all to get to know him/her before they arrived.  I feel like I was too caught up being in preparation/ super husband mode that I let time slip by.  Again, maybe I am being overdramatic like my previous post, but I know that when my new child arrives, I am going to make sure that I spend every minute with them, both my children, and show them how much their daddy loves them.

Thanks for reading,
Victor